Relationships, Control & Competition

“I was raised by a mother who indoctrinated me that females are not my maid. And males who don’t help their mothers won’t help their wives.”

Image by Annelise Lords

Watching the sunsets after a very hot day, while the birds soar across the sky, a female voice nearby said, “I just got home and noticed that nothing is in our apartment for you.”

I slightly turned to my left and saw a handsome athletic-looking young male, comfortably attired in black jeans shorts, a grey t-shirt, and sneakers. He was taking pictures of the sunset, sea, and birds as they soared across the sky, their eyes aimed at the sea for their food.

“Sorry,” he said snapping pictures with his camera. “I can’t be in a relationship with a woman who is always competing against me.”

“Come on James, you are not afraid of a little competition,” she teased.

“Is that what you call it?” He asked without looking at her.

She nodded then said, “What did I really do?”

Turning to look at her, he elaborates, “When you saw my apartment the first time, you wanted to meet my interior decorator. You complimented me on how beautiful and artistic everything was and how you loved it. When I told you that I was the decorator, you mocked, laughed, and criticized me. Then after you moved in, you changed everything putting my stuff in storage.”

“I am a female; we have different tastes.”

“I attend culinary school and I got home from work before you. So, I cook. You criticize, then demand I wait until you get home from work, so you can cook. Which you hardly do because you complain of being tired, and then order take out.”

“I have different tastes,” she repeats.

“I was raised by a mother who indoctrinated me that females are not my maid. And males who don’t help their mothers won’t help their wives. So, she taught me how to cook, clean, and take care of the house and myself. Also how to manage my finances, while thinking economically. She taught me how to shop for the best prices in everything, and utilize my time,” he explained.

“I know that!” She answered on the rim of anger.

“She also taught me how to buy the best meat, fruit, and veggies,” he recalls his mother’s action. “Also in clothes, furniture, appliances, and other stuff.”

“That’s a female thing in my world,” she said.

“Everything I do to help you is a problem. I clean up after myself. That’s not how it’s done according to you. Even me taking out the garbage is a problem.”

“Look,” she eased closer to him. “I grew up in a different world. I have never met a guy like you,” she admits.

“So instead of learning from me and appreciating the qualities that I have, you judge, belittle, compete, and criticize,” he said, snapping away at the bird’s routines, of circling certain areas of the sea, then diving down to snatch a curious fish that comes too close to the surface.

“Look,” she attempts to explain again. “In my culture, men don’t do any of the things you do. The ones who do are called . . . .”

“Sissies,” he cut her off.

She bit onto her lower lip, and he went on, his eyes and camera on the sea, “I heard lots of females complain about problems with their men not helping them. What do you complain about? Me not doing things right or your way? Or do you have to train me?”

He turned away from the sea and stared at her.

She nods, “you don’t understand.”

Turning back to her, “My mom believes the secret to a lasting relationship is taking the time to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and learn with patience. I know how competitive and controlling you are. You don’t take the time to know me,” he informs her.

“You don’t understand,” she repeats.

“You are right, I don’t,” he agrees staring into her eyes. “I don’t understand that you complain about something not happening, and when it does, instead of being grateful, you judge and compete. You don’t want a guy who treats you like a queen, you want control.”

Her eyes popped and she said, “I wasn’t raised that way.”

“I was raised to do my part to make sure my queen isn’t tired of me or want to leave because I don’t help her. My mom demands that I don’t take females for granted nor underestimate them.”

“I swear, I know no female who teaches her son what your mother does. Nor any males who think like you,” she pleads.

Still staring at her, he asked, “What do you want in a guy?”

She tried to smile, then said, “You. All that you are and be.”

He nods, “No you don’t. My qualities are a threat to your need for control. My mom said, ‘Control destroys relationships, and it should be an equal opportunity system.’”

“I am sorry,” she apologized. “I just need time to adjust.”

“It’s been three years Liza. I lost this competition. But I believe there are females out there who would love a guy like me. And I intend to find her!” He turned and walked away. Regret, pain, and sorrow followed him in her eyes.

For me, the main secret to every friendship and relationship is taking the time to know the person you are involved with. Every male and female I know, complains about something in their relationship. It seems as if someone wants something they don’t have. Others have something they want, but already have, but aren’t aware that it’s there waiting to be discovered. Cultures often destroy good relationships because of different ways of thinking. Control is the culprit that threatens many relationships along with many not taking the time to know the people that they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

And some of us allow it to win. Then we lose the love of a lifetime.

P.S. I teach my sons, to cook, clean, shop, and think economically because females are not their maids. I also demand that they don’t underestimate her either. I demand that they take the time to know her and it’s not about control. Control destroys a relationship. Love, kindness, happiness, understanding, hope, forgiveness, patience, knowledge of yourself and your lover, common sense, trust, and faith, along with the right words at the right time, are a few of the things that will keep a relationship going.

If your heart could speak, what would it say?”

I study all of the people in my life. Their actions, choices, decisions, intentions, likes, dislikes, and everything else I can learn about them. That makes it easy for me to get along with them.

Thank you for reading this piece. I hope you enjoyed it.